Thursday, December 16, 2010

Celebrating the little things....

AF came on her own on day 32! Although her coming means this cycle is out, this does give me hope that she will continue to be regular, and I will be in a better position to predict! Hopefully her visit won't last long!

Friday, December 10, 2010

I couldn't make this stuff up even if I tried....

So today, we had a end of the year program and stress free stop for our students as they get ready for finals. Me and a couple of other advisors were sitting at the table when one of our students came over to us and showed us a door hanger she made. It had a girl name on there and a boy name on there. Long story short: She is 4 months pregnant, will find out the sex in Jan. As she is telling how she derived at the possible names, and how she has been feeling, and moving into a bigger apartment to accommodate . yada yada yada, I just stopped listening, and began singing a song in my head. I just can't believe it. Here I am sitting next to one advisor who just found out she was pregnant, and a student informs me that she is pregnant. I can't escape it.....

Thursday, December 9, 2010

UGH!!!

Another FREAKIN' pregnancy announcement! Are you %^$&%* serious??

Day 04: a photo of a place you’d like to visit.



Although I have a top 10 list of all the places I want to visit in my life time; Paris, I certainly in my top 5. The history, the culture, the art, the food, the shopping, the fashion, etc...and I want to experience all of it!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Day 03: a photo that makes you happy.



Tabyana Beach, Roatan, Honduras.

I've never seen water so clear, yet so blue. Sitting here, I remember being totally at peace. The beauty was mesmerizing. When I look back at this picture from time to time, I feel calm and happy. I hope to go back there soon....

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Day 02: a photo of yourself at least a year ago.



I remember this picture. I had just come back from a wedding expo. I had so much fun, got so much information, and won the grand prize!

Monday, December 6, 2010

WOW!!!!

3 post in one day!!

The good:
I got offered the job! I will be the Education and learning Specialist. I am so overwhelmed. I have a month to figure out the move, Mooshkah's school, pack, and finish up things at work. YIKES!!!

The annoying:
My co-worker just told me she is pregnant. It's so hard to put up a happy front, when all I can do is cringe on the inside. This is getting down right comical at this point. In the last 3 weeks, I 've heard about 6 pregnancy/baby announcements. I am totally in last place, if I am even in the race at all......

Day 01: a photo of you today.



I think its funny that my ear wanted to be in the photo!

30 Days of Stuff.....

I stole this from a blog I was following, and its such a neat idea. I will start with the 30 day photo challenge, because who doesn't love photos????




The 30 Day Photo Challenge
I'm excited for this list because I love photos!
Picture topics:
Day 01: a photo of you today.
Day 02: a photo of yourself at least a year ago.
Day 03: a photo that makes you happy.
Day 04: a photo of a place you’d like to visit.
Day 05: a photo that makes you laugh.
Day 06: a photo of someone you love.
Day 07: a photo of something you stand for.
Day 08: a photo of something you enjoy doing.
Day 09: a photo of yourself when you were a baby.
Day 10: any photo you like for any reason.
Day 11: a photo of a night you loved.
Day 12: a photo of when you were happy.
Day 13: a photo of one of your favorite movies.
Day 14: a photo of your best friend (s)
Day 15: a photo of you and a family member
Day 16: a photo from your childhood
Day 17: a photo of something that has changed your life
Day 18: a photo of your town.
Day 19: a photo that makes you laugh.
Day 20: a photo of something you ate today.
Day 21: a photo of somebody you find attractive.
Day 22: a photo that you associate a good memory with.
Day 23: a photo of something you want to do someday.
Day 24: a photo of what you want to be when you grow up.
Day 25: a photo that inspires you.
Day 26: a photo of your favorite subject in school.
Day 27: a photo of something you are looking forward to.
Day 28: a photo of something/somebody that made your day.
Day 29: a photo of your favorite person from history.
Day 30: a photo you find beautiful.






The 30 Days of Truth



Thirty posts, written entirely truthfully.


Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.




Thursday, December 2, 2010

In 3 Days...

H and I will be celebrating our first anniversary as husband and wife. The last few days I have been reflecting on the things I was doing a year ago, you know, running a million errands, finishing the last minute details, packing for the honeymoon, fussing about H not getting his haircut yet, extremely stressed, hoping everything goes smoothly. I can't believe we are here.

H - It has been an adventure this year, and I can't wait to see where life takes us in the future-together. I love you!

.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

" That's What She Said..."

I was watching one of my favorite shows "The Office" last night, where the character Michael Scott was doing one of his "that's what she said" jokes. At that moment, it occurred to me how many times I was questioned about having a baby, or given unsolicited baby-making advice. I decided to create a "That's What She Said" edition to my blog........

Friend announces she preggers via Facebook

Me: Congrats, how far along are you?

Her: 3 mos. I thought u knew cuz I put it on fb thurs.

Me: No, I had no idea.

Her: Are u 2 still trying?

Me: It's been over a year now, were still trying

Her: stop trying, you'll get pregnant.

Me: Yea, Thanks.......

END

Who knew? If me and H stop having sex THEN the baby will come! Great! I had no idea!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

C'MON!!!

I have been lapped again.......

Seriously, when will it be my turn? I feel like I am in the back of a crowd of hundreds saying "yoo hoo, what about me?, Don't forget about me?"

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Hello.....

This break was just what I needed. TTC has been the last thing on my mind and that has been wonderful.

I am currently taking 4 metformin (extended) a day. I think so far I have lost about 6 lbs. I guess that is ok since I haven't been truly faithful to my diet. And considering tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I won't be faithful tomorrow. Bread is certainly my weakness. I will start back on Monday. I have been spotting/light bleeding for almost 2 weeks. At first I was excited because I thought I produced AF on my own, and things will start to be regular now.... but now its just plain annoying and interrupting BD time......

I had an interview for the gig I applied for. The interview was last week, where there was a search committee drilling me with questions, and then I had to do a presentation on the academic process for them. I was so nervous. I made it the the 2nd round, where I had a follow up interview with the Vice President. Surprisingly, that was pretty informal. So now, its just the waiting game. I don't know how many candidates are in the running, but I hope I made a good impression, and they pick me. FINGERS CROSSED!!!!

I have to admit. I was doing so good with not letting TTC or not being successful consume my brain, until yesterday. I was checking into facebook, and this "friend" of mine, who we were engaged around the same time, and got married this past May, announced that they are expecting, by changing their default picture to an ultrasound pic. For some reason, that hurt. We are not that particularly close, but seeing that, magnified that I am falling behind in the baby race. I was lapped again...... Ugh When will it be our turn? I just have to continue to shake off this feeling of inadequacy and keep looking forward.

I am looking forward to spending time with my family. My parents are hosting Thanksgiving this year, so I don't have far to travel. I just hope I don't have to answer to many"When are you going to have another" questions......

Nonetheless, Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Just a little break

I have been away for a few days.


I am up to 3 metformin pills a day. For the most part, I done pretty well with the diet. I did have a few slip ups... I've always tried to avoid scales. But now, I need to purchase one so I can see and keep track my progress. Still no AF, so I will call then week about getting provera.


There has been a lot of things going on in my world lately especially with family. One being, My great uncle passed away the end of last week, so Sunday me and a few of my cousins headed out of town to attend the funeral yesterday. His home-going wasn't unexpected. He lived a long blessed life. I am at peace knowing he is pain free and at peace. My uncle is my grandmother's older brother. My grandmother passed away 2 years ago very unexpectedly. Being down there with everyone brought back all the emotions. I don't think I allowed myself to mourn for her loss. She was a amazing person, and we were very close. I really miss her.

The other family issues I will write about at another time. However, with regards to everything going on, H hasn't been as supportive as he should, thus now there is tension at home too. Ugh!

This morning I log in to learn 2 blogs I follow have just gotten their BFP!! I am so happy for them. I wish them a happy and healthy pregnancy!! It is also bittersweet. It just magnifies my situation that we still haven't been successful, and still have a ways to go.

At this point my spirit is low. The majority of my blogs lately have been so down and negative. Granted, I know TTC can be emotional, and its okay to feel what you feel. But its not me. I am usually a positive person, I've always been that way. However, for a while now I have been so consumed with pity party's of TTC failure that I've lost sight of me. I've forgotten that TTC is not what I am all about. For now own, my blog won't be just about that either. It will just be about me and all that that means.

I am going to be taking a break for a few days to do a little mental cleaning, and renewing my spirit.

I am sorry this post has been all over the place......

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Well....

I POAS yesterday morning........BFN! (no surprises there). Although I must admit that I kind of thought that with all the issues surrounding this appointment that maybe it wasn't meant me for me to go because maybe i was already BFP.... Gotta love how your mind can play tricks on you.

So after the BFN, I decided to keep my appointment with the RE. He was nice. I could tell, he was surprised when I told him about the routine things my OB didn't do. I won't dwell on her....

He listened as I gave him a run-down of my TTC experience this year. After some assessments, the diagnoses was clear. PCOS. I'm not surprised since my last OB hee-haw'd around this possibility. From there, he created a game plan. Metformin, and a strict diet. He stated that at this stage the Clomid won't work, until the underlying problem was taken care of. I am to follow this strict diet for 3 mos and have a follow-up appointment in February. I am still trying to wrap my head around everything.

Positive: Now I know what's going on, and can do something about it
Negative: This diagnosis and treatment pushes BFP off longer than I would like.

What really bothers me is that this is something I could have known 3 mos ago! I could be in a better place to TTC right now, had my OB did what would be routine steps. UGH! I am really trying to not let that get me down.

AF still hasn't come. RE told me if by day 45 and AF is still not here and I have a BFN call the office for a prescription of Provera.

This is going to be so hard, but I just gotta do it.

I must admit.......

"During this process, you try to grasp at any hope, imaginary symptom, just any confirmation that you will be preggers one day soon. It's quite an emotional rollercoaster. I remember being on one of my many TTC boards early this year in January. I came across a thread that read "baby psychic". I clicked on it and read about this "Baby psychic"and her supposed accuracy of predicting if and when you will be pregnant. Now, I am a skeptic when it comes to things like this. I see this as entertainment. Maybe it caught me at a desperate moment, maybe I just wanted to hear some shred of hope that we would be successful this year, I am not sure....But I decided to entertain this entertainment. Besides it was free! I emailed this "psychic" and gave her the required information (name, age, birthdate of H and I). I guess I just needed to hear that it would happen for us. Well, months went by and I didn't hear anything. To be honest, I completely forgot about it. Well sometime in May or June, I was checking my email and a was surprised when I received a response. She stated. "They show a girl and relate her to NOVEMBER so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in". Most of me blew it off as pure nonsense, but a little part of me hoped it was true. Here we are to November.....and I am so embarrassed and feel so foolish that I even gave this any 2nd thought. Aw well, it was fun for a moment...... Unless I will be due in November... ;-) lol"

Back to reality and this new journey.

I am now in the process of figuring our menus for me of the foods I can eat. With this Metformin, the RE wants me to start with 1 pill a day and slowly increase it to 4 pills a day provided no side effects. I will document this journey.

But at this moment, I feel both happy and sad; both empowered and defeated.....

Monday, November 1, 2010

Oh Great!

So there is a chance that my insurance won't cover the RE consultation tomorrow.... Yay for me! All because there is nothing in my file from my OB that has U/S, blood work, semen analysis etc... Well maybe its because she didn't listen, blew my concerns off, and didn't follow through with things. I mean, why should I be penalized for things SHE didn't do??? I've had U/S for the last 4 cycles and it states no where in the file..... All I have going for me is the fact H and I have been TTC unprotected for a year. Hopefully that will be enough for us to be approved for tomorrow. If not, I have to pay out of pocket... grrrr. If I cancel, I have to wait until end of Nov, because the RE is only there ever other week......

Things have to get better, right?

Day 37

Yep, I missed Day 35 completely.

With all that cell phone drama, it completely slipped my mind. October has really been a month of misses for me: missing positivity, $100 swipe from my purse; my iphone that I kept everything on, and the TV remote! Ok, the last one sounds comical, but I really totally destroyed a room looking for that doggone TV remote.

What really burns me about losing my cell is that I had tons of pictures on it. AND of course I didn't back it up. I took Mooshkah to a Halloween Carnival Saturday evening. I purposely left my purse in the trunk only taking my keys, phone, and cash. When we first walked in there, there was this mini haunted house that we we walk in. There was this part of the haunted house you had to crawl through. I think that is the point it fell out my pocket. By the end of it, I realized it was gone. I told everyone, asked around, went in there about a half dozen more times, to the point that me knees are bruised. No such luck. I am still trying to hold on to faith that there are still good Samaritan's out there. I just really want my pictures. I decided to go ahead and replace the phone last night. My cell is also my house phone so I need a working number that hopefully the gig I applied for will call!

Tomorrow is my RE appointment. I am not sure how I feel. To be honest, I am nervous and not very excited for it. H has to work, so I will be going alone. I wish he could be there. I just feel like I am going to get bad news. Like "try for another year, and then come back to see us news. I am not sure what to expect. I feel like I will be opening a can of worms with this appointment. I just wish this step wasn't necessary, and that I could do this on my own. I know that sounds crazy. What if the Dr. and the staff aren't nice? I don't want another Dr. that is not patient and doesn't listen. My thoughts are all over the place. Because I was an emotional wreck my last Dr. appt, I decided to go ahead and take the whole day off.

I will pick up a test tonight and POAS tonight or tomorrow morning. I am dreading that too! I know it's negative, I know there is no way we successful this month, since Madame ovaries didn't respond to the Clomid, but I don't want to see the negative either. It's just so hard to see.

I hate being so negative....

On a lighter note, Here is my Mooshkah as a "School Teacher" for this Halloween:

Saturday, October 30, 2010

UGH

I am ready for October be over with.

I dropped and lost my cell phone. I am beyond fustrated.......

I think DAY 35 has past.... I am not even sure what day I am on. I am just not feeling it.....

Friday, October 22, 2010

Welcome to my pity party

I'm just having one of those days.

All I want to do is scream and cry, and sleep the rest of day. I don't really have a particular reason why I feel just overwhelmingly sad and frustrated. But I do.....

I know there is a lot to be thankful for. My appt. with the RE is in 2 weeks, so at least I am entering a new phase in my TTC journey, but I just feel hopeless today.


ARGH!!!!!!!!!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Wrap up

Well, I finally calmed down after that $100 swipe enough to enjoy the weekend.

I told myself that I wasn't going to read anything into those possible "imaginary symptoms." But I can't help it! I know the chances are slim to none that we conceived after getting the results from the U/S that both ovaries were non responsive, but DAMMIT I feel stuff. Before the U/S and up until now, I keep feeling cramps, twinges, sharp pains that come and go periodically. I am sure it's the side effects of the Clomid playing with my emotions or stress. Even H told me my "lady lumps" were bigger! LOL But I am sure he was just being frisky. I woke up during the middle of the night last night(1:33 am to be exact) to locate some tums because I had heartburn really bad. I also was hot, so I turn the AC down. Yes I am well aware it's October. I more than likely getting some sort of bug, but a girl can't help but wonder. I kept feeling the sensation that AF is coming either with dull cramps, or lots of CM but nothing. And I have been so emotional lately, again that can be stress. UGH I got excited at the fact that maybe AF was coming on its own. But then I realized, I am about 15 days from the end of this cycle, so it's too soon. I am trying so hard to not dwell on anything and wait to my RE appointment. I believe day 35 falls on the appointment with RE. I can't wait to have a bean in my oven.

I died my hair again. I think I am addicted. This dye was supposed to me more red, but it came out even darker. I better stop while I am ahead before I look like Morticia Addams.

I pretty much slept most of Sunday. I am sure it's the weather. H began his new gig today, so I can't wait to hear how it went. As for me, I still haven't heard from the gig I applied for. I am trying to remain positive, yet not let it consume my thoughts, but I have to admit, I am getting a little nervous/worried. (sigh)

I watched Sister Wives last night. I must admit, I am sad to see the season has ended so soon. That show totally pulled me in. I find the dynamics so interesting.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Craptastic

Is the kind of day I've had...

I discovered 100 dollars is missing from my purse, and I have a sneaky suspicious that someone came in the office and had sticky fingers! &^%*#!

I wore my favorite long draped cardigan to work today, only to discover when I finally made it home this evening that there was this big hole in the back. I know it wasn't there this morning, so I must of snagged it on something during the day. No one at work gave me heads-up???

It is great working for the state. I learned that my dental insurance still hasn't paid for Mooshkah's routine check up, that was 6 months ago because they ran out of funds. Thank you state insurance. Yet you manage to take your monthy cut out of my check on time.

My stomach has been weird for the past couple of days ranging from sour stomach to mini cramps.

ARGH!!!

Monday, October 11, 2010

FINALLY!!!!

Even though I am quite sure this cycle is a dud, I finally have some good news!!


Dr. agreed to up the Clomid to 150 mg. I am so excited to start this next cycle. I still have a ways to go with this cycle, being I am only on day 16, but the news totally lifted my spirits!

I will POAS sometime through days 31 - 35.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

One last shot.....

I have been through a whirlwind of emotion since Friday. I cried most of Friday evening. I woke up Saturday angry. Angry with my uncooperating body and angry with the Dr.

Saturday evening, H and I had dinner with a few other couples, so that lifted my spirits a little.

I decided that first thing Monday morning, I will call the Dr. Office and inquire again about 150 mg of Clomid. Considering that the right ovary never responded with the 100 mg, and my left only responded once, maybe I have a shot?? The worst they can say is no, right? If I don't ask, I won't know.

But I am still all set with my appointment with the RE in November.

Friday, October 8, 2010

The Other Shoe Dropped....

No Follies were found. Crushed

The other day I distinctly remember feeling sharp little pains from what I believe, coming from my ovaries. I was so excited because, I never felt any part of ovulation, so I was hopeful this cycle would be a success.

Fast forward to this morning, as I am sitting on the ultrasound table spread eagle nervous about the outcome. Figures. Just like the scan last month, my right ovary showed nothing. I was banking on my left ovary, praying that my left showed something. Nothing. I fought back tears as I heard her say "Oh honey, I am so sorry, but blah blah blah..." I just kept telling myself, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

I was taken to another room, because I still needed to have my annual done. Once the nurse closed the door I lost it. I couldn't stop crying. Why is this so hard? I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like I am being punished for something. The Dr. came in to do the annual exam. She could sense I was upset, and tried to ease my frustration.

Last night, H and I came up with tons of questions for the Dr. in the event no follies were found. I wrote every question down and set the paper next to my purse so I wouldn't forget. This morning, I was rushing around because I was running behind schedule and I left my the questions. ARGH! I didn't realize it until I was at the Dr. office. I don't know, maybe deep down, I didn't think I would need them, because this was going to be our month.

During the examination, I tried to remember every question, but I was just so upset. Basically, the Dr. told me she wants to keep me at 100 mg of Clomid, because although it didn't work this cycle, it worked the last cycle. I questioned her about last cycle, how even with the HCG shot I still didn't ovulate, and needed the assistance of Provera to bring AF. Her response " That's odd, I am not sure what happened with that??" WTH??? She also stated that even though H and I have been TTC for over a year, this is only my 3rd round of Clomid, and it can take anywhere from 6 - 12 mos??? &%$%#!!!!! She did refer me to a RE that is in a totally different city. She explained that basically she no longer works with major infertility, or go beyond Clomid anymore, and the RE should be the next step.

The RE is based in a different state (Indiana), but has a satellite office in my state, in the city that is about hour away from me. Because of this, it could be awhile before I can get in. She wrote me another prescription of Clomid in the meantime. The RE of course is not in my insurance provider network. Yes, please give me more hoops to jump through!

I asked her, is there a chance that maybe I already ovulated?? I know I am grasping at straws. Her response "anything can happen.." She encouraged me to still "BD often." But really, what's the point?

I contacted insurance to see what I need to do about this out of network RE. I contacted the RE and I have an appointment November 2nd.

I am still trying to digest everything. I just feel so defeated.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

EEEEK!

Tomorrow morning is my annual and ultrasound appt. with the Dr.

I am so nervous. What if they don't see any follies??? I am not sure I can bare the bad news. I am trying so hard be optimistic but ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I keep feeling like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop....

Why is this so hard????

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Phase 2

Now that the Clomid is done, I've moved into phase 2. You know the "rabbit" phase. So far H and I have been bd'ing every other day. I still wonder is that enough? Should we be bd'ing more?

I am going to the Dr.'s office this Friday (day 14) to check for follies (finger's crossed!!) I hope there are more than 1, and I get and HCG shot. I can't help but wonder if BD'ing now is a waste of time, and that maybe we should hold off and BD like crazy this weekend? I don't want to waste any good swimmers. ARRRGH!!!! I just want to do everything right. Last night after the deed, as I lay with my legs in the air lol, I was trying to figure out the best strategies. I have to quit putting so much pressure on myself.

Monday, October 4, 2010

WTH?

So I was on one of my many TTC boards/forums, and I came across this pic that someone used as their avi. WTH indeed! For some reason this image gives me the willies. Please tell me this is not a real doll?




On a humorous note........ even Barbie got knocked up before I ;-)

Friday, October 1, 2010

2 Gold Stars......

...... For me!!

Logged into facebook only to be blind-sighted by a "We are pregnant" status update. And for once, I didn't cringe, or did it bum me out! I am doing pretty good. Congrats to them.



.......Clomid day 6............

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Day 5!!

Today is Day 5! I have begun my 3rd round of Clomid.

Normally I take Clomid in the evening, but not this morning. I woke up early to take my little 2 tablets! I'm still feeling pretty good, outside of this nagging headache.

fingers crossed!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Operation: Take My Mind Off TTC!!!

The last couple of days I've had a few (just a few) moments of lows. Feeling the occasional discouragement that this won't be our month, or making snarky comments whenever I see those POAS commercials (that come on way too often if you ask me!!), or any mention of pregnancy on my favorite shows will get an automatic eye roll.

Maybe its because of the severe beating AF is giving me? I mean she really has it out for me! lol Nonetheless, I am determine to get my positive mojo back! I will be hopeful that this is our month, and if it we aren't successful, then positive it will be the next month. I will try not to make this my main focus of everyday, and I will not read anything into any symptom.

To accomplish this I will create a list of things to occupy my time and my brain!
  • JUST READ: I just picked up a new book to read. I use to read all the time. Whenever I was stressed, reading would be my stress reliever, and take my mind off of things.
  • JUST DYE:I picked up some hair dye this morning on my way to work. I have been wanting to change my hair in some kind of way. I don't want to cut it just yet, but I thought Hey? Why not color it?? Years ago, I used to color my hair as often as the wind blew. Maybe this new change will help me with my new outlook.
  • JUST DECORATE: I am so sick and tired of looking at our non decorated bedroom, and bedding. When it comes to home decor and color palettes I am never content. My taste change so frequently. When H and I registered for our wedding, we pick this bedding that at the time I thought was nice. (although he more than I) We even picked coordinated pieces for the bathroom. Now I hate them both. So once again, I am on the hunt for new bedding. H was complaining about the duvet slipping from the duvet clips. I thought that was the perfect opportunity to tell him that we (really me) need to get a new comfortable set and decor. His response: I should have kept my mouth shut. :-)
  • JUST SORT: It's time for a reality check. "I will never be able to fit you". I am holding on to so many jeans, tops, jackets, slacks, that I will most likely never fit again. I really need to give up the dream and get rid of those things. Also, Mooshkah has outgrown a lot of things. I will designate a weekend to get this done.
  • JUST SEARCH: H and I grew up in the same town. So both of our parents still reside there. We currently live about a little over an hour away from them. Which really isn't that bad. Our parents aren't getting any younger and I really would like to live closer to them. I've put in application for a gig there, so now I am just in the waiting phase to see if I get an interview. (prayers Please) I will continue to search for other job opportunities closer to family.
  • JUST MOVE: In the event that I get a job closer (fingers crossed) We will have to move. I am not one for not being prepared, so I have been scanning possible locations, neighborhoods to move and bookmarking them.
  • JUST LAUGH: I am so passed due for a adult gathering. I want to either have a girls night, or a couples night with some of my friends.
These things are enough to take my mind off of TTC at least for the month of October. Who am I kidding?? lol TTC will still be on my mind, but I will give it my best shot to put my focus elsewhere.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Dreamin'................

During the night, I had 3 seperate pregnancy dreams back to back to back. Each one told a different story but all of them had a happy ending of me finding out I was pregnant. I don't put too much in dreams, but I hope this is sign of things to come. :-)

AF decided to show up today! YAY!!

Question, do you count spotting as day 1? Or do you wait until it looks like true AF?

Saturday, September 25, 2010

waiting...

This weekend really feels like fall is here. It has been so chilly. Yuck, I feel like I am getting sick. UGH.

Still waiting on the dreaded AF. She should be here any day now..... The last few cycles of provera, AF came within 3 days, but she is taking her time with this cycle. I am so ready to begin this next cycle. I really feel like this month could be our month. *fingers crossed* :-) I am not sure why I feel so upbeat about this cycle, but I hope this feeling lasts.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

All About "Us"

I saw this survey on several other blogs and I just had to do it too!


1. When is your “engagement” anniversary:
How terrible is it that I don't know the date? LOL I do know it was in March! lol

2. When is your “marriage” anniversary:
December 5th

3. How long have you known your spouse:
17 years... WOW!!

4. How long did you date/court before you were engaged:
Off and on for about 3 years

5. Where did you meet your spouse for the first time?
Gym class in high school

6. What is your spouse’s full name:
"H"

7. Do you have any children:
None together, but we are TTC

8. How many – boys/girls:
-

9. Do you have any house pets:
no

10. Do you own a house or rent:
Own

11. Do you live in the country or town/city:
City

12. What is one of your favorite activities together:
Watching TV, being silly

13. Do you have a favorite vacation spot:
We love cruises!

14. When did you first kiss?
a week after we started dating

15. What church do you attend?
we attend church

16. Is this the church you were married in:
Yes

17. What town is your current address at:
Midwest

18. Do you work or stay at home:
Work

19. Where did you go on your honeymoon:
Western Carribean

20. What was the funniest gift you gave when dating?
hand-warmers, and a VHS tape of his favorite movie when he was a kid.

21. How long have you been together?
2 years

22. How long did you know each other before you started dating?
13 years

23. Who asked who out?
No one really asked each other out. We just sort of turned into a couple.

24. How old are each of you?
Both in our early 30's

25. Where do each of you go to school?
Neither one of us are in school

26. Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
TTC

27. Did you go to the same school?
yes

28. Are you from the same home town?
sort of

29. Who is smarter?
depends... we both are

30. Who is more sensitive?
me

31. Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Chipotle, Panda Express

32. Where is the farthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Caribbean

33. Who has the craziest exes?
umm......neither now?

34. Who has the worse temper?
He does.

35. Who does the cooking?
He more than I

36. Who is more social?
me

37. Who is the neat-freak?
depends

38. Who is more stubborn?
He is.

39. Who hogs the bed?
me

40. Who wakes up earlier?
He does.

41. Where was your first date?
lunch date at Applebees

42. Who had more boyfriends/girlfriends?
me

43. Do you get flowers often?
No

44. How do you spend the holidays?
With both of our families

45. Who is more jealous?
He is

46. How long did it take to get serious?
Not long

47. Who eats more?
me

48. Who does the laundry?
both

49. Who’s better with the computer?
He is

50. Leave a piece of advice for the other couples.
Communication is very important. Try to find the humor in things.


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Tag, You're it!

I've been tagged for the first time! Lindsay at "Waiting for that Positve" tagged me. Thanks!

I have a break in between appointments, so I will answer these questions. I will tag others with questions when I get home.



1. If you could live anywhere else in the world where would it be?

** Somewhere hot. I live in the Midwest, and it gets so bitterly cold at times, I hate it. Summer has always been my favorite season. Weird I know, but the hotter the better!

2. Who do you find inspiring (other than your family members)?
** This is tough, because I truly do look up to my mother and grandmother. I was taught at very young age, the importance and strength of diversity, independence, hard work, compassion, education, among other values I hold so dear.

3. What was the last book you read? and What was the last one you read that you would suggest other's read?
** I am currently reading "God Ain't Blind". To be honest, I can't say If I would encourage others to read it. So far, it has just been "okay" for me. It is part of a series. Because I have read the others (which have been really good), I've invested my time, so I want to see the series through.

4. Have you had any major injuries?
** Luckily, no - Knock on wood :-)

5. Do you have a favorite quote or motto?
** My Dad always says "Don't take any wooden nickels." To me, it's funny, but still has a great message!

And a bonus....Because I really liked this question - Do you have a Favorite band/singer/artist?
** Toughie! I love all types of music, so my favorites change from day to day. My Current favorites are: Adele, Prince, Expose (Yup totally 80's) and Drake.

To be continued..........