Salsa Con Queso & A Pregnancy Test

Last night, I had butterflies in my stomach for most of the evening. I just kept thinking, today is "Day 34, and tomorrow is Day 35". I am supposed to call the Dr. office on day 35 if AF has not come, and i have a BFN so i can start Provera again. Why can't this be easy? I thought of so many scenarios of putting off taking the test, taking it next week maybe? But if it is a BFN, I really want to get this Provera over with so I can started on cycle 13. I still can't believe it has been a year of TTC with no success. I feel like my mind is all over the place.

I said so many prayers last night, prayers that we succeeded our our 12th cycle. Prayers for strength if a BFN is inevitable, Prayers to be able to shrug it off and keep moving forward. I prayed so much that I am sure God way thinking "ALRIGHT ALREADY"! (Hey at least I am able to keep a sense of humor, right?)

Surprisingly, I slept soundly last night. Almost like an alcohol-induced sleep, though I had nothing to drink last night. My hubby leaves for work early in the morning while I am still sleep, but he always kissing me goodbye, which usually wakes me up enough for me to mumble "have a good day". But this time, I was awaken by the alarm clock, and I realized, he didn't kiss me goodbye! I sent him a angry text this morning about it, but apparently he did and I slept right through it! LOL

I got myself and my 8 yr old (Mooshkah) daughter ready all while "DAY 35" chanted in my head. It's decision time. I dropped her off at school and stopped by the Walgreens on the way. I picked up some Tostitos Queso, and a generic pregnancy test and drove to work. Now I sit at my desk with the test in my purse taunting me. I am not sure when I will take it. Maybe this evening after work? Maybe first thing tomorrow morning with FMU? The decision is really based on my emotions. Do I want to see a BFN tonight and be negative, grumpy, emotional for the rest of the evening, but hopefully be in better spirits for tomorrow???? OR do I want to one more day of imaginary what-if bliss, and take it in the morning, and then be all those negative things for the rest of the day?? OR should I save the negativity for the weekend and take it then??? LOL

Wow, I used to be such a positive person. I guess optimism doesn't live here no' mo'.