Friday, September 17, 2010

Frustration

I just need to vent........

The nurse called me today to give me the results of my blood test. Of course it was negative. I knew it going in I wasn't pregnant. The BFN told me that. My gut told me that. Why was hearing her say the words "your test was negative, you are not pregnant" so hard to hear??? I mean, I knew that, yet at that moment I wanted to break down and cry. I rushed off the phone so that I wouldn't been seen crying at my desk. I just needed to get some air.

I told her where to call in the prescription. Yet again, Provera and 100 mg of Clomid, days 5 - 7....blah, blah, blah. My Dr. wants to keep me at 100 mg. My question is, if I wasn't successful at 100 mg Clomid this past month, what makes them think I will be this month? Is there anyone out there who wasn't successful one month, but were the 2nd month with no changes in dosage????

Last night, I was just fine...now I just feel like a failure...

The department I work in is giving a co-worker a baby shower today. Someone is always pregnant here. Currently, there are 3 people pregnant. I want to know what faucet they are drinking their water from, so I can pour me a tall glass of it. I can't escape it. I don't think I will attend it. Selfish I know, but I am just not in a mood to see people gushing over all the baby stuff, and hearing all the wonderful things she is experiencing with her pregnancy, that I am sure she will be complaining about......

I just want to go home and crawl into bed.... Hurry up end of the day......

2 comments:

  1. Oh mate... just want to give you a great big hug. :-(

    In terms of the Clomid, it depends on the end goal. If it is purely to stimulate follicle production then 100mg was successful (17mm follicle on your last scan). If you are also supposed to actually ovulate with it combined with the hcg shot then there is a big question mark on that one.

    May be a good idea to query what they want to see happen with the Clomid and also request this time a 7DPO progesterone test to confirm that ovulation is indeed occuring.

    Generally speaking, the dose is only increased until the goal is reached e.g. developing a follicle, ovulating at the right time, more than one follice etc.

    In regards to things working the second time around *waves* yeah.. that's me. Second cycle of 100mg worked. But my case was also different in that Clomid was being used primarily to increase the number of follicles and bring my ovulation back to "normal" i.e. CD14-16 instead of the CD17-20 and short LP I was getting.

    Perhaps time for big chats with your doc?

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  2. Again, thank you for the information. I agree, it is time for another chat. You've helped me formulate lots of questions.

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