I expected the blow, yet was shocked by it at the same time. I feel so silly. There were even moments where I caught my self rubbing my belly, just imagining this miracle growing inside me.
I woke up this morning at 4:00 am with a full bladder (sorry TMI) trying to decide if I should take the test or not. Should I do it alone after H leaves for work, or do I want him here? Should I just waste all this good FMU and go to the bathroom and take the test another time? I decided to just go for it.
Staring at the test is like watching water boil. 2 minutes passed, then 5 minutes. No change. No plus sign for me. Crushed.
I much rather see AF than no lines.
I informed H of what I expected all along. He attempted to lift my spirits by telling me "Hey it will be ok, it will happen for us before the end of the year I know it". I wish I could be so sure. Then he reminded me that Michael Jordan was in the league for years before he got his first championship ring. He's a goof! I know he was trying to cheer me up, but look here buddy, I don't give a damn about Michael or a Jordan, I want a baby! LOL
I called the Dr. office as soon as they opened. I left the dreaded message on the nurse's voicemail that once again, we weren't successful.
The nurse called me back and asked where to send the prescription of Provera and 100mg of Clomid. She was really nice and encouraging. After I got off the phone, I dozed back off, only to be waken by the nurse calling again. The Dr. wants to do a bloodtest first before they send in the prescription. I haul ass to the their office, so the results will be in by tomorrow.
After a few expletives and tears, I feel pretty much at peace and eager to start this next cycle. Maybe this time next month, I will have better news!
It's been a long time! Part 2
13 years ago
:-( I'm so sorry... It really doesn't get any easier as time goes on and there will always be hope, no matter how small, that something has changed.
ReplyDeleteYou replied a while back saying that AF doesn't usually come for you. Have they confirmed you're ovulating? Theoretically, if you're ovulating AF should come if pregnancy is unsuccessful. Seems cruel not to check that you've ovulated and let you ride out the entire more than a month straight to disappointment....
awhile back, before my husband and I were TTC, AF would come every few months, but when she came, would stay a month straight, or I would have break through bleeding every other day. I was put on BCP to regulate my AF and to shrink cyst on Madame Ovary. They never really diagnosed me with not ovulating, or with PCOS, but I was told I had PCOS-like symptoms. I took that to assume I indeed have it. Since my husband and I have been actively TTC they put me on Provera and Clomid. So I assume I am given Clomid because not ovulating like I should? and Provera because AF never comes as she should. I was also given a HCG trigger shot this month.
ReplyDeleteThe Clomid can be given for a number of reasons. It is usually the first line of attack when dealing with issues of fertility. I'm a litle surprised they haven't given you a definitive diagnosis...especially seeing you've had ultrasounds which should quite clearly show PCOS. Although, TBH I'm not sure how much difference it would really make to your treatment at this stage.
ReplyDeleteTheoretically, if the HCG trigger worked, you'd have ovulated and an unsuccessful pregnancy should result in AF, which I dare say is the reason why they are doing bloods now. Did they follow up post trigger to make sure the follicle released??
No, they didn't not do a follow up ultrasound. The nurse said the Dr. wants to do some bloodwork before they give me the prescription. I assumed it was to make sure I was indeed not pregnant. So are you saying that because AF is not here, that possibly the HCG did not result in ovulation? I have another Dr. appointment in a couple weeks. So I truly appreciate any information.
ReplyDeleteYep. When ovulation occurs oestrogen drops back down, LH drops off completely and progesterone begins to rise. Progesterone is produced by the corpus luteum (the remains of the follicle) and it shall rise typically peaking at 7DPO. Eventually the corpus luteum starts to break down and this causes progesterone to drop. If a pregnancy occurs then the corpus luteum is preserved by the presence of HCG and it will continue to produce progesterone until about the 12 week mark. If pregancy does not occur, progesterone levels eventually drop to a point that the menstrual lining is no longer maintained and starts to shed.
ReplyDeleteProgesterone will only be produced if a corpus luteum exists and hence, the follicle must rupture. Otherwise it gets reabsorbed or forms a cycst on the ovaries instead (a type of PCOS).
Hence the reason why AF occurs if ovulation has occurred.
Does that make sense?
Yes it does! Thank you so much!
ReplyDelete