well....

the doctor's appointment went okay, I guess...

Firstly, my wait in the waiting room was almost an hour... good thing I brought a book to read. I never seen so many pregnant people in one room before. I been to OBGYN many many times, and never had I seen THAT many pregnant women. Pregnant check-in receptionist, pregnant patients, pregnant nurses.. UGH! I have to admit I was so annoyed because I want to be one of them so bad! I overheard one pregnant lady, as she was being called in, complaining about her pregnancy, as she waddled back with the nurse. I wanted to yell, you don't know how lucky you are!

Dr. L met with me and went over the results. My right tube is completely blocked, and my left is blocked half-way. He suggest doing a lap and hysteroscopy, so he can see whats really going on. This procedure won't happen for a couple of months, because A.) he is booked, and B.) I haven't accumulated enough sick time at my new job yet. So any hopes/chances of me having a 2011 baby are gone. This procedure will determine if I stay with him, or if infertility specialist is my only option, which means if IVF is my only option, then I have no options. Because I know that's not something we are able to afford.

I'm not sure what to think or feel. I just feel numb right now.

Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and...

...PRAYING.... that tomorrow's HSG follow-up appointment goes well. I am in need of some good news for once. PLEASE!!!

1. Not ovulating - CHECK
2. PCOS - CHECK
3. Blocked Tubes - CHECK

PLEASE NO MORE BAD NEWS!!!

Prayers are welcome.... ;-)

Well..... Yet another blow.....

The good news:

I guess.... is that it didn't hurt. The only thing that was uncomfortable was the speculum and the hard flat table I was laying on.

The bad news:

The test showed that both tubes are blocked. The smallest part of me feels relief, because at least I know why we haven't been so successful. The rest of me is terrified and heartbroken because I don't know what this means?

From the moment I made it to my car, I just balled. I can't stop. Now I am at work just trying to keep it together.

I assume everything went well and done correctly. I just can't believe this is happening. Does this mean IVF is my only option? Does this mean I have to have surgery? I just feel like I am being punished. Will I ever get a freakin' break?

My follow up appointment is Next Friday on the 18th. I will find out what the next step is then.

I just want to go home, get in the bed, and cry myself to sleep.

HSG Procedure ....

Is tomorrow at 11 at the hospital. Has anyone in blog-world gone through this? Does it hurt? What should I expect? anyone...........?

As you can see, I am a tad bit nervous.

Back in Bid'ness!!!

AF has managed to stay gone since Friday....let the bd'ing begin!!!!! :-)

Back from the New OBGYN

and so far so good.....

I liked him. He had a positive energy and was honest. I took him through the last year, and explained what's currently going on. He had empathy and compassion. He told me flat out, he is not an infertility specialist, and based on the past year's journey I am certainly a candidate for an RE. (of course something I already knew) Clomid is as far as he goes in the line of infertility. He gave me the option to try things out with him, or he would refer me. He had a plan. First he did some blood work, checking for anemia (considering the amount of blood I lost) and pregnancy (laughable). Then he did an ultrasound to see if anything going on. (all clear). He was surprised to hear my last OBGYN had not done a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) on me. So he wanted to do one of those (I will have that done next Wednesday). We will meet a week after and see what's what. So the next couple of months I will see how this goes, and if I feel I am ready to try an RE again, I will have him refer me. The nearest RE in my insurance network is 50 min. away in a different city. At this point, the jury is still out on hopeful, but I don't feel defeated either.

As for the bleeding....that's the joys of PCOS. Aunt flow has decided to disappear again. (not that I am complaining). I hope she stays gone for awhile.

Really??? TMI Vent

As I was sitting here getting ready to blog about how FINALLY Aunt Flo has left, I felt that ol' familiar feeling... SO I make a mad dash to the bathroom and guess what? She is freakin back again! I can't believe I started bleeding again. I was so excited that it was gone just in time for my first appointment with the new OBGYN!!! I guess I got cocky.... It was oh so light yesterday, and completely gone by the evening, and there was no sign of it in the morning, and all afternoon, until now. I was happy to be free from those products, you know the tampon-pad combination. I mean really... I have been wearing these products for more than 35 days. I just wanted to feel what it was like to just wear underwear with no contraptions on it. Yup, I got cocky. Now I just want to cry. I am so beyond sick of this.